I have found Dr. Eric Berne really be a leader of his time in relationship guidance and understand how our self-worth, transactions and behavioral patterns between individuals can really assist in having healthier relationships. We should learn from this simple method to understand your wife or husband before you throw in the towel and get a divorce. Is it not worth the effort to learn more about how your communication is causing part of the problem. Watch the videos below and learn more about yourself and how you might be communicating.
The human brain acts in many ways like a camcorder, vividly recording events. While that event may not necessarily be able to be consciously retrieved by the owner, the event always exists in the brain.
Both the event and the feelings experienced during that event are stored in the brain. The event and the feelings are locked together, and neither one can be recalled without the other.
When an individual replays his or her experiences, he or she can replay them in such a vivid form that the individual experiences again the same emotions he or she felt during the actual experience. Or, as Berne’s student Thomas A. Harris said “I not only remember how I felt, I feel the same way now”2
Individuals are able to exist in two states simultaneously. Individuals replaying certain events are able to experience the emotions associated with those events, but they are also able to objectively talk about the events at the same time.
Check Out these Youtube Videos on How To Understand Your Partner.
Dr. Eric Berne is the author of Games People Play, the groundbreaking book in which he introduces Games and Transactional Analysis to the world. According to Dr. Berne, games are ritualistic transactions or behavior patterns between individuals that can indicate hidden feelings or emotions. A runaway success, Games People Play spent more than two years on the New York Times bestseller list in the mid 1960s – longer than any non-fiction book over the preceding decade. Games People Play and Transactional Analysis have gone on to influence and inspire millions of people, including Thomas A. Harris, author of I’m OK – You’re OKand Muriel James, author of Born to Win.
Five million copies later and nearly fifty years after it first debuted, Games People Play remains popular and continues to sell across the world. It has been translated into almost 20 different languages, with millions of laypeople and trained psychotherapists employing Dr. Berne’s techniques.
So far, the two transactions described can be considered complementary transactions. In a complementary transaction, the response must go back from the receiving ego state to the sending ego state. For example, a person may initiate a transaction directed towards one ego state of the respondent. The respondent’s ego state detects the stimuli, and then that particular ego state (meaning the ego state to which the stimuli was directed) produces a response. According to Dr. Berne, these transactions are healthy and represent normal human interactions. As Berne says in Games People Play “communication will proceed as long as transactions are complementary.”9
However, not all transactions between humans are healthy or normal. In those cases, the transaction is classified as a crossed transaction. In a crossed transaction, an ego state different than the ego state which received the stimuli is the one that responds. The diagram to the right shows a typical crossed transaction. An example is as follows:
Agent’s Adult: “Do you know where my cuff links are?” (note that this stimuli is directed at the Respondents Adult).
Respondent’s Child: “You always blame me for everything!”10
This is one the classic crossed transactions that occurs in marriage. Instead of the Respondent’s Adult responding with “I think they’re on the desk”, it is the Respondent’s Child that responds back.
1 Berne, Eric. Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy. Grove Press, Inc., New York, 1961. Page 4.
2 Harris, Thomas A. I’m OK – You’re OK. HarperCollins Publishers Inc., New York, 1967. Page 12.
3 Berne, Eric. Games People Play. Grove Press, Inc., New York, 1964. Page 29
4 Berne, Eric. Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy. Page 13.
5 Berne, Eric. Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy. Page 4.
6 Berne, Eric. Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy. Page 15.
7 Harris, Thomas A. I’m OK – You’re OK. Page 32.
8 Berne, Eric. Games People Play. Page 29.
9 Berne, Eric. Games People Play. Page 30.
10 Berne, Eric. Games People Play. Page 31.
11 Berne, Eric. Games People Play. Page 15.
12 Stewart, Ian and Joines, Vann. TA Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis. Lifespace Publishing, Chapel Hill, North Carolina. 1987.
Often, people’s fears about therapy revolve around the therapist or the development of a healthy, lasting relationship with a new therapist. It’s common to have some worry or confusion about choosing a male or female therapist, especially if the nature of the topics covered in therapy have anything to do with gender identity, sexuality, or sexual orientation.
Beginning therapy and developing a relationship with your therapist is all about your comfort. Take the time to think about what you might prefer to look for in a therapist, and let these therapists shed some light on the decision-making process:
Lynn Somerstein, PhD, E-RYT: People have different comfort levels and may have preferences about working with certain kinds of therapists, such as male or female, straight or gay, older or not. Those preferences should be respected, if possible because they help ease the social part of beginning therapy, which promotes a calmer relationship that can help you overcome the scariness of beginning a therapeutic relationship. What matters most of all when choosing a therapist is your gut feeling that the two of you click.
When I began seeing a therapist, I knew that I had to see a woman because I felt I would feel safer and better understood by a woman than a man. At least, that is what I thought at the time. I never regretted making this decision but did feel that I needed to work with a male therapist too. Later in my training, I studied with a supervisor—a male therapist—who became my mentor.
People who have experienced sexual abuse often prefer to work with someone who is not the same gender as the predator; this is a wise choice to defuse the terror and mistrust that will probably come up in treatment. When therapy progresses and lasts, however, it can become clear that the sex, gender, sexual orientation, or age have less to do with successful therapy than we might think. A good therapist will reach out to the person in treatment and develop a mutual understanding and ability to be helpful. The skillfulness, training, and experience of the therapist are important. So, I would say that ultimately sex or gender are not so important, but it can take a while to reach that understanding, and if you have a preference for a certain kind of person, go with that inclination. And always listen to your gut feelings. Is this therapist the right person for you? How do you feel talking together?
Family Counseling San Diego EMDR LENS Neurofeedback
Welcome to our professional group of doctors and therapists were our seasoned clinicians integrate safe, effective, research-based treatment that focuses on solutions in addition to utilizing cutting-edge technology like Direct Neurofeedback LENS (Low Energy Neurofeedback System). Family Counseling San Diego is currently active and credentialed with 21 different insurance companies. We can provide CBT while we treat you with LENS so you can utilize your insurance. Facing unresolved childhood trauma is a brave, courageous act.
You are not broken, in need of fixing. Rather, you are deeply hurt, in need of care.
Mr. Walter Patrick Martin LMFT began this group practicing in 1999, Walter is known for his positive narrative visualization technique through EMDR, Dr. AJ Popky DeTUR addiction protocol. Mr. Walter Martin was honored to assist Dr. AJ Popky in his professional EMDRIA 2-day training. In addition, Mr. Walter Martin wrote a workbook for couples treatment “Heart and Soul Toward Intimacy: Couples Workbook” Mr. Walter Martin leads a seasoned group of clinicians who integrate a safe, effective, brief solution focused treatment in combination a cutting-edge technology is known as Low Energy Neurofeedback System (LENS) by Oshslabs. Brain imaging technology paired with effective therapy and treatment has shown that our brains are capable of changing for the better. Neurocounseling uses brain-based interventions to treat clients more holistically by integrating the knowledge of the brain and physiology with traditional counseling assessments and treatment plans. Brain-based techniques are proven to produce mental health improvements in clients with traumatic brain injury, posttraumatic stress, depression, substance abuse, autism, and ADHD. By learning how therapy can treat clients’ brains and not only their behaviors, counselors can teach clients emotional and physiological self-regulation skills to better manage their emotions and gain new coping strategies. Neurocounseling: Brain-Based Clinical Approaches, edited by Thomas A. Field, Laura K. Jones, and Lori A. Russell-Chapin, provides the foundations for becoming a skilled neuroscience-informed counselor and offers clear, accessible approaches for incorporating neuro-counseling interventions into clinical practice.
This is direct neurofeedback that nudges the brain out of maladaptive brainwave patterns, allowing the brain to restore homeostasis, reset itself for optimal performance. Mr. Walter Martin’s unique approach combining LENS with ACT, CBT, MI, EFT, Mindfulness Therapy and EMDR. Rapidly decrease symptoms therapies over most other appeaches in San Diego County. Clients report improvement dramatically and quickly. This is no quick fix approach but does not require 30-50 session like typical Neurofeedback were you have to work hard to retain your brain. Direct LENS we expect results in 5 to 10 sessions. LENS improves your overall quality of life by utilizing the latest technology and begin the steps to immediately get better sleep and less anxiety. Research indicates enduring results by restoring optimal brain functioning. Many people state “This has changed my life”, “I have not had a full night of sleep over 20 years” and “Everything is so much brighter now.” This comments by patients occurred after the second treatment with the LENS. If you follow the treatment plan and do not see results in 12 sessions I Walter Martin will provide you 5 more sessions such that results are guaranteed with no additional cost to you. I want you to improve, move toward your goals and regain control over your life. It is not magic but it is a powerful tool to change your life for the better. LENS does not claim to be a cure for everything or anything. It is a treatment to improve symptoms to increase the quality of life. This treatment is in concert with your Primary Care Physician if you would agree to allow us to contact your PCP.
Have you had a concussion, been exposed to blowback (Explosive Concussion) or Traumatic Brain Injury and have suffered with:
-Brain fog? -lack of sleep? -lack of focus? -migraine headaches? -anger and reactivity? and fatigue?
If you find you are answering YES to the above questions then you possibly have a TBI that is continuing to create suffering in your life.
Counseling and Neurofeedback Together
Clients who receive neurofeedback treatment can choose to do so in conjunction with their own individual therapy. Depending on what your presenting symptoms are or what you are hoping to resolve, there are several reasons why you might choose both or why you would select one over the other. In the sections below we provide some scenarios and a few reasons how choosing one or both services might serve your needs in the best way possible.
Be assured that it is never a mistake to choose counseling and neurofeedback together. However, if you are having results with just one type of treatment, we want you to avoid additional treatments that might not be necessary.
What we have witnessed when clients choose to do both is that the strategies and insights learned in counseling are enforced by the neurofeedback at the neurological level so that the client is better able to maintain their positive changes. Many clients report that neurofeedback has helped get them into the right space so they have the ability to process and delve deeper in their individual therapy. Also, it is best practice to provide CBT therapy while providing Direct Neurofeedback together. This also allows the client to utilize insurance as most insurance carriers do not reimburse for Direct Neurofeedback without CBT therapy being provided.
Choosing Neurofeedback During Counseling
We often have clients referred to us who feel “stuck” or have “plateaued” in their own individual counseling. This could be for many reasons but often is because they are unable to access their emotions as much as they desire. Sometimes they feel like they understand the roots of their anxiety or depression but still can’t move through it.
Feeling “stuck” in individual counseling can also happen if circumstances in clients’ lives are particularly stressful, keeping them activated in their “flight, fight or freeze response.” This means they have activated their sympathetic nervous system and are therefore less able to accomplish introspection during counseling as they are in “survival mode.” In these types of situations, neurofeedback is a great addition. It can serve to support and further the work being done in counseling as it can help the brain and body relax, which allows internal shifts to resume.
Choosing Counseling After Neurofeedback
The most common reason why people pursue counseling after completing their treatment of neurofeedback is that their ability to process things that they were not aware of before is heightened. Many clients come in with the strong tendency to “numb out” of their present lives, whether that is through technology, alcohol, drugs, pornography, work or some other distraction. Often they find that during neurofeedback treatments they become more aware of the emotions and feelings underlying their symptom of numbing and thus want to explore it further through individual counseling.
What is the right approach for you?
The FCSD treatment team leverages a variety of treatment modalities to better meet your needs. While we are here to guide you and find the “best fit” to help obtain your treatment goals, some clients prefer to seek a specific type of treatment. Others simply wish to know more about the treatment modalities they are exploring. When available, we have also provided links to resources that our clients may find of interest (e.g. relevant videos; treatment worksheets).
Please note that certain treatment modalities are implemented by only select FCSD team members. To be matched to a therapist by treatment type contact our office manager.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a “third wave” psychological treatment that integrates the key elements of many popular therapies that preceded it (e.g. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy; Mindfulness Therapies). ACT begins by taking the power away from unhelpful thoughts by changing the relationship we have with them. It then explores ways to promote positive behavioral change in the face of strong emotions by having one be mindful of and work towards their goals (e.g. values and achievements). It promotes real-life action that may, in turn, resolve strong emotions that previously had one moving away from what is truly important to them.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most widely used and researched form of psychotherapy for the treatment of mental illness and other difficulties. It can be used as a primary method of treatment, but also provides a foundation for many other treatments used by our team such as utilizing CBT while having LENS treatment.
CBT is “problem-focused” and “action-oriented.” This means it targets specific problems that one is facing and can be a quick way to target focused difficulties one wants to resolve. Treatment focuses on identifying maladaptive responses to one’s environment due to “cognitive distortions.” These distortions reflect misinterpretations or misunderstandings of our environment that ultimately lead to ineffective behaviors. The goals of CBT are to: identify those distortions, learn new ways to interpret one’s environment and have a different outcome as a result.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is an eclectic treatment that borrows from CBT, mindfulness therapies, and other self-regulatory treatments. It focuses on practical training, exercises, and psychoeducation to promote increased emotional and cognitive regulation.
DBT assumes that clients are doing their best to manage strong emotions and reactive states, but that they can obtain greater success and wellness through skill building. Participants in DBT learn about emotional triggers that lead to reactive states, coping skills to apply at the right time and place, and other mechanisms to avoid undesired reactions.
DBT supports often require ongoing client “check-in’s” between sessions to facilitate positive habits and skill building. These “check-in’s” may require an additional fee.
emotion-focused Therapy (EFT)
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) aims to increase one’s connection and understanding of their emotional experience. By recognizing the adaptive functions of emotion, EFT increases one’s ability to recognize how their emotional experience can guide their actions, facilitate individual growth, and shape future goals and directions.
EFT recognizes that emotions can be difficult to manage and process, but aims to increase tolerance for these emotions and the ability to use their emergence in a constructive manner.
Hypnosis and hypnotherapy are treatment methods that can be integrated into several of the other treatment methods used by some members of the FCSD team. The aim of the treatment is to assist an individual to enter a deep state of focus and relaxation that permits one to work on goals without being countered by negative emotions or worries. It allows any place and time to be the “right” place and time to resolve difficulties and move forward in a positive manner. It has high efficacy in treating fears and phobias, the management of difficult situations (e.g. anxiety around medical procedures or other upcoming events), or providing momentary relief from high levels of stress.
Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT)
Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT) identifies how our relationships and life events impact our emotional state. It examines how negative relationships, our attachments, and our responses to events can have a negative impact on our mood. The goal is to identify or “map” out these relationships and events in order to find positive pathways that promote wellness and positive emotions.
What is LENS Neurofeedback Used For?
There are multiple things that neurofeedback can target and help improve. It is important to note that Direct Neurofeedback is not a specific treatment for anyone disorder but is an adjunct to mainstream medicine and not meant to replace it.
Neurofeedback has been found to help in the symptoms and behaviors related to:
Anxiety and OCD
Autism and Asperger’s
Chronic Pain and Fibromyalgia
Headaches and Migraines
Mood (anger, rage, sadness)
PTSD and Developmental Trauma
Traumatic Brain Injury
LENS Neurofeedback vs. Regular Neurofeedback
As noted earlier, there are different ways to go about changing brain waves. The simplest way to differentiate between traditional neurofeedback and Direct Neurofeedback (LENS) is that Traditional Neurofeedback is “retraining” your brain while Direct Neurofeedback is “disrupting” negative patterns in the brain to get it “unstuck.”
LENS Neurofeedback vs. Regular Neurofeedback Continues
Both types of neurofeedback place multiple sensors on a scalp and use computer software to display an electroencephalogram (EEG) of the clients’ brain.
Traditional Neurofeedback uses images, sounds, or lights to “reward” the client when the machine detects that they have managed to put their brainwaves in the target frequency range. In contrast, Direct Neurofeedback (LENS) sends a small signal that disrupts the brain from generating brain waves in its stuck patterns. The main benefits of using Direct Neurofeedback (LENS) is that initial results are noted more quickly, sessions are shorter, and fewer sessions are needed overall.
Mindfulness-based therapies aim to provide increased “awareness” to what one is experiencing in the present moment. It is anchored in the idea that distress and distraction can be a consequence of one’s attention being pulled into the future (i.e. worry), the past (i.e. sadness or rumination), or too unimportant distractions in our environment.
The treatment focuses on increasing the capacity to control attention in order to make the next action, moment, or through a deliberate one (with “attention” comes “intention”).
Variations on Mindfulness can assist with ADHD, empathy building, and relaxation. Mindfulness can form the foundation of a treatment or, more commonly, is complementary to other therapeutic approaches.
Narrative therapies focus on better understanding a client’s “story” to determine how they have gotten to the place they are now and how they may move forward into the future. It examines your previous life experience to form a clearer story of how one has gotten to the here and now. It aims to identify and fill in gaps in order to better understand the full complexities of one’s experience. By reliving these events in more detail, the client can better understand their experiences and how these experiences currently are shaping them. By reflecting and exploring new meaning, a new story emerges that is enriched and provides a therapeutic reconstruction of history and the future.
Play therapy refers to a variety of assessment and treatment techniques that make use of a child’s natural ability to play. Often children have difficulty understanding and expressing their thoughts and emotions, as they don’t have the language to make themselves heard. A trained therapist engages the child through fun, non-threatening activities, which help to decrease the child’s anxieties about their problems and worries, allowing them to express themselves more freely. The family is often involved in the process to help the therapist understand the family dynamic and assist in generalizing skills into the home.
The overall goal is to help the child express his/her thoughts and emotions, and support them in learning healthy coping skills and solutions. Play therapy provides children with a safe, encouraging environment to express their true thoughts and feelings, in a way that suits their developmental level.
Psychodynamic therapies can incorporate a range of approaches that stem from the idea that individuals can experience internal conflicts that have resulted from previous life experiences. The therapy is “insight-oriented” in that it attempts to help the client identify these conflicts, recognize the nature of the challenges they are experiencing, and how some of the “defenses” that they use to cope may be maladaptive. It attempts to facilitate the development of alternative coping mechanisms by increasing awareness of the conflicts and defenses, changing the meaning/understanding of contributing events, and fostering a positive relationship between the client and the clinician.
Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT)
Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) shares many similarities with CBT, but tries to make the process as simple as ‘A B C’. The basis of REBT is that negative experiences (both internal and external) result from a life event (A – Activating Event), our interpretation of the factors or causes of that event (B – Belief), and the emotions or actions that result from that interpretation (C – Consequence).
REBT aims to identify alternative interpretations (B – Belief) and to determine whether this results in different experiences (C – Consequence) after the fact. It is a treatment that involves introspection and real-life experimentation.
EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an integrative psychotherapy approach that has been extensively researched and proven effective for the treatment of trauma. EMDR is a set of standardized protocols that incorporates elements from many different treatment approaches. As EMDR is a mental health intervention, it should only be offered by properly trained and licensed mental health clinicians. EMDRIA does not condone or support indiscriminate uses of EMDR such as a “do-it-yourself” virtual therapy.
A growing body of evidence is showing that many psychological conditions, including depression, often start with a stressful or traumatic experience. We are finding that EMDR Therapy with a Certified EMDR therapist can help significantly with symptoms of PTSD, phobias, depression, anxiety, panic, early and complex adverse experiences in childhood, and much more. It also has a strong track record for performance enhancement in a wide variety of fields — school, work, business, sales, sports, the arts, and that Most Popular Fear of All Time: public speaking.
EMDR is a treatment, a therapy, that brings desired results in just a few sessions –with very little talking, without the use of drugs, without the use of “homework” between sessions– a treatment that is mainly used to cure PTSD or stress disorder –that array of negative feelings of body and mind that plagues and ruins the lives of many soldiers, rape victims, molested children, catastrophe’s survivors and other people who’ve suffered an important shock or trauma in their lives. This PSTD is somehow well known nowadays but for the longest time it was overlooked and for the longest time it was treated without much success or not at all. And still today many people don’t know of its existence or fail to recognize it in themselves or in their loved ones and are thus unable to seek help for it, let alone take advantage of a cure so incredibly simple and effective as EMDR.
Our personal experience with the LENS started with the recovery of trauma and also facilitated a reduction in pain. Because each person is different there is no way of knowing the exact effect the LENS will have on an individual. But our goal is a more relaxed, less stressed, better functioning and focused individual.
Even if your bump to the head was more than 1 or more years ago and you still have symptoms, we can Help! Why struggle anymore? At Family Counseling San Diego Inc we off a safe and very effective, drug-free proven approach using Low Energy Neurofeedback. In just 10-12 weeks of treatment, your brain will operate more efficiently and you will begin to think more clearly, have better focus, get better sleep, be less reactive and have more energy! You should notice a reduction in your migraine headaches as well! Call Family Counseling San Diego Inc today and visit our website to learn more. At the FamilyCounselingSanDiego.Com Inc, we offer an integrated drug-free approach to help our clients reach their full potential. If you are stressed, depressed, anxious, concussed to TBI, have brain fog, lack attention, have ADD/ADHD, have compassion fatigue, or other neurological inefficiencies, please give us a call at 858-217-5770. We use LENS (Low Energy Neurofeedback Systems) therapy for the micro-pulse technology that reorganizes neural patterns in our brains assisting our brains to optimize and reorganize itself. We have created a safe, professional and friendly atmosphere to help our clients reach their potential.
Remember that everyone can afford Neurofeedback as your brain and future will thank you after the treatment and during it. We provide affordable plans but if you can not afford it please click on the image at Parasail which can finance your treatment and you or you child are with it.